Belinda’s Journal Continued
5/9/98
It’s Saturday today, am feeling quite alone. Due to the ‘unruly’ behaviour of some members of our ‘community’ our Saturday outing have been cancelled so the picnic which had been planned for today has been replaced by spare time to sit around and do whatever springs to mind. Have been allowed to get my Patricia Cornwall book ‘Port of Origin’ out of the storage room (rare privilege indeed) and filled in a bit of time engrossed in its pages. Just watched an excellent video based on the true story of the life of a man called Bill Wilson, the man who created Alcoholics Anonymous . Very moving and has opened my eyes wider to the problem of addiction in the world. I’ve realised some things which never occurred to me before, including the fact that if a man, so driven by the need to drink alcohol for such a large part of his life, can recover @ remain sober then why shouldn’t I be able to do the same. This gives me hope. I also realised that the N/A meetings I have been going to are probably more important in my recovery than I thought. There’s something about 2 or more addicts (or drunks, whatever the case may be) getting together @ sharing their experiences etc that is so valuable @ almost unexplainably vital for recovery. They have been reducing my anti-psychotic medication @ have discussed the possibility of not allowing me to go off premises for A/A @ N/A meetings, (both of which are very similar), for this reason, I hope like hell that they don’t remove this privilege from me, especially now that I’ve realised that they are probably the key to staying clean.
It’s also visiting hours at the moment @ while almost everyone has some-one to be with or something to do I’m still waiting on a return phone call from Steve (since 1330 hrs). He is supposed to be going to Liam and Tina’s wedding with me tomorrow. I’m not going to hold my breath that he shows up. Not too reliable this boy. He told me on the phone the other night that he used on Wednesday @ I was very disappointed but told him that it was ok but that he’d just have to start again. Don’t think he’ll be able to stay clean which makes me really sad. I feel very guilty about giving him his first shot even though I know he would probably have got one somewhere else if it hadn’t been from me. Can see him losing control @ am powerless to do much about it except lend support whenever I can. Hope he will be able to beat his addiction otherwise I can see no future in us being together, another reason to thank the ‘power greater than ourselves’ (my preferred term for God - another one is GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTION – heard that at an N/A meeting someplace), that I’m not pregnant. I just can’t be clean @ sober @ be in a relationship with someone who’s not. Usually feeling someone I care about slipping away from me would make me really upset, but while I am sad, this time it’s different. I feel as though I’m doing all of this for me this time. I know other people will benefit from it, like my family, but since I really got into this program I have been able to put myself first which I’ve never done before. It’s a very empowering thing. I know now that I’m worth the struggle @ if you can’t do it for yourself then who can you do it for. I’ve heard this saying before @ gone yeah, yeah whatever but at the moment it’s really hitting home. Wow, big entry today, am feeling inspired again like when I used to have a hit @ write pages @ pages. Hope it keeps up. Was one of the things I worried (@ still worry) about when I try/tried to give up speed, that my creativity would disappear. Well, I’m totally straight at the moment # the old flow of the grey matter is going again. Cross my fingers @ toes that it doesn’t disappear. By the way no more voices today, days without these interruptions must be stacking up too!
TO BE CONTINUED......
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WHITE WREATH ASSOCIATION SAFEHAVEN CENTRE/S
Introduction
The closure of mental health beds, staff shortages and the lack of on-going treatment have meant that community, family and care givers are required to deal with the mentally ill and suicidal persons. We believe that suicide/mental illness is a life threatening condition and is the only illness in society where people are routinely refused hospital admission or treated on a short-term basis. Hence the need for our Safehaven Centres. The White Wreath Association Ltd (WWA) is committed to bridging the gap between the suicidal/mentally ill, their family/care givers and their treatment which will be accomplished through our Safehaven Centres
What will the Safehavens look like?
Our ultimate aim is to establish a number of these Centres throughout Australia, our programs will be designed to actively treat the underlying illness that leads to mental illness/suicidal behaviour with follow up treatment once the patient is deemed ‘in recovery’. Safehavens will be staffed with appropriate clinical personnel and provide a place of safety to the suicidal/mentally ill and their families/carer’s.
Our Safehaven/s will offer programs for the entire family structure affected by the illness which may include but not be limited to:
Patient
Full 90 day treatment inpatient program
30 - 60 day inpatient program (including follow-up treatment)
8 week outpatient program (including follow-up treatment) this program will allow patients to continue to reside at home and work in the local community while they are being treated
2-3 day outpatient assessment with recommendations and treatment advice
Family Members/Carer’s
3 – 5 day program (all family members/carer’s) offering information and education about suicide/mental illness and to assist family in identifying issues they may have
2 day children program (ages 3-12) This is for children who have family members that are suicidal/mentally ill and will offer ways for children to positively cope with the challenges they face, it will include information about suicide/mental illness through age appropriate activities
(Families to be included and involved in all aspects of patient treatment/care)
Rehabilitation/news skills programs
Rehabilitation programs will be set up where patients can learn new skills which will be staffed by qualified teachers. These may include:
Landscaping
Horticulture
Cooking
Cleaning
Computer skills
Front Office and reception
New skills programs will be optional should the patient wish to participate once they have met certain criteria through their treatment.
Alternative therapies
Yoga
Tai Chi
Meditation/relaxation
These are again optional for patients to participate in.
Why our own centres?
We have identified since our inception that front line assessment is breaking down.
Serious suicidal/mentally ill people are being refused admission, poorly assessed and discharged inappropriately. People who are at risk to themselves and/or a risk to others need immediate admission.
Our Safehaven/s will encompass our own designed programs and assessments which include a full psychological/neurological examination not just a mental health assessment. Our Safehaven/s will be there to treat both patients on an on-going basis as well as providing the support network the family/carer’s require.
Many suicidal/mentally ill persons are very ambivalent about what is said when being assessed. The programs will be designed to include a family member/care giver in the patient’s treatment. Our own research indicates that when suicidal/mentally ill patients are being assessed they do not necessarily give full or reliable information.
Our programs and assessments will be utilised to ensure our medical staff are capturing all the information needed to treat the patient effectively.
Conclusion
The information provided is only a guide of what the WWA Safehaven/s will encompass. Our ultimate aim is to have a number of fully staffed Safehavens throughout Australia. However to achieve this huge project we not only need the funds but the support of the community to establish these Centres.
Sock-it-to-Suicide has given us the opportunity to promote our organisation, our aims and what we stand for “Action Against Suicide’. With this we hope to bring about a change in the treatment of the suicidal/mentally ill.
UNTIL
WHITE WREATH ASSOCIATION SAFEHAVENS ARE UNDERWAY WE HAVE PROPOSED THE BELOW MANY TIMES FEDERALLY AND AT ALL STATE LEVELS THROUGHOUT AUSTRALIA:-
Education and Advice, Consultancy and Practical Information to Professionals and Others working at the front line
The breakdown as we see it is that families/loved ones/carers do in fact identify risk of suicide early. In our opinion between 60-80% of people who are at risk of suicide have been identified as being at risk by parents/loved ones/carers.
This is where we would seek to make a change and this is where reduction in suicide can be achieved.
There are many strategies that can be used but the most important thing is that when risk is identified it must be taken seriously. This typically means the individual at risk would be actively followed up and our preference would be actual admission and assessment in hospital.
Threat of suicide is a threat to life.
Note:- We would hope that larger organisations such as hospitals (both public and private), universities, teaching and training facilities would include our group as a basic part of their curriculum in teaching and training of suicide prevention. This has obvious cost implications which would need to be negotiated with each organisation. It is vitally important for people affected by suicide to be involved and have an input into the training of all those who seek to give help. This needs to be recognised at Federal and State levels.
There is currently a large gap between what professionals are taught and what really happens. Just by improving this area would increase public appreciation/understanding of suicide/mental illness.
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WISH LIST
“DONATIONS TAX DEDUCTIBLE”
Stamps, Copy Paper, DL Envelopes, Volunteers Aust/Wide
OR YOU MAY LIKE TO DONATE
1. Via our credit card facility posted on our Website www.whitewreath.com then follow the instructions.
2. Directly/Direct Transfer into any Westpac Bank
Account Name White Wreath Association Ltd
BSB No 034-109 Account No 210509
3. Cheque/Money Order to White Wreath Association Ltd
PO Box 1078 , Browns Plains Qld 4118
WE ARE NOW TAX DEDUCTIBLE
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CAMERON'S DIARY
We, the White Wreath Association, have been given permission by Cameron’s sister to publish his diaries.
Monday May 8
Spoke to Bernie will be seeing him on Wednesday at 11am. Got to ring pet shops about bird for Mitchell. I was going to go to T’ville with mum and Noell. But decided against it. I might go and see Bro Kelly, maybe about character reference. Got to get in touch with Mark Stevens about reference? Bruce rang. He will be here tomorrow at about 1.30pm. Just got my DVD player from Nick. What a guy!
Tuesday May 9
Go to Centrelink. Go to probo’s at Court House! I’ve had just about all I can take! I am really totally stressed about anything and everything that comes into my head. I have no positives to grasp onto. Everything that comes into my head is totally negative! I am still being punished severely for everything I have done bad or wrong. Bruce coming over. There is nothing happy or positive to grasp onto. I don’t know how long I can take this any more. I think it’s just going to be a matter of time before something gives or snaps either way. I don’t see any possible way out of this, it is there every day! Whatever happens I am going to be the bastard either way. I cannot take much more of this shit!
Wednesday May 10
Got Mitchell’s card for birthday! Bernie coming over. Bernie came over. Had a good talk with him. He is coming over again next Wednesday to make up a programme for me. Rang solicitor about appointment. And also filled out review form for Centrelink and took it in. And also did shopping and got hair cut and went for walk with mum. Ate too much bread. It bloats me and gives me indigestion.
TO BE CONTINUED…….
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COMING EVENTS
1. NATIONAL WHITE WREATH DAY
- In rememberance of all of Suicide 29 May 2008
Main display to be held in Post Office Square Brisbane Qld.
Display can be viewed all day with Commemoration Service commencing at 12.30pm to 1:30pm
Up to date information will be posted on our website www.whitewreath.com under “Coming Events” listing all other Commemoration/Remembrance Services held across Australia. Suicide/mental illness affects all walks of life, all cultures and all ages regardless of whether we are rich, famous or poor. All are welcomed to attend and lay a Photograph, Flowers, Poem etc and be part of a commemoration service that for most is the first time that they are able to freely admit the loss of a loved one, friend, work colleague etc that have taken their lives by these tragic means.
2. "SOCK IT TO SUICIDE"
During the First Week of October , yearly
Holding the event involves workplaces, schools, social clubs, senior citizen clubs etc to wear (self supplied) coloured socks or stockings during one day of the week, and making a donation of a gold coin for the privilege.
We would greatly appreciate your support with this endeavour and hope it is a fun day for all.
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CORRESPONDENCE
I am from the UK and I do a lot of my own personal fundraising. Now I want to help others. If you would like your cause on my site then please send me the details and I will put it on immediately
Good luck
Hi
My friend is threatening suicide. She is at a real low point in her life and she was about to do it when I signed in on msn and talked to her. She says she is okay now but I don’t want to take any chances because I know the feeling won’t last for her. So if you could please talk to her I would greatly appreciate it. Her mobile number is …Her name is C and she is my best friend. Please help help her.
Footnote:- We take these matters very seriously. Our advice was to call the Ambulance immediately or we can do this on her behalf.
Dear Ms Clark
I hope you can help me. I noted with great interest the item on the news the other evening concerning the naked young man wandering the street in Surfers Paradise and the comment you made concerning the Qld Mental Health System.
I am a 46 year old woman who developed mental illness at 40 years of age. To escape the loss of my job of 26 years (due to mental illness) and the stigma of a mental illness, my family moved from Adelaide to Queensland about 3 years ago. Since this time I have held many jobs and am now again on large amounts of medication. I am trying to change my life and am now in my second year of university. This has its moments but I try to stay positive.
Last year I tried to get some change happening within Queensland Health. I am absolutely appalled with the system and that it does nothing to help those who need it. I have been shunned because I dare speak out. My local member, John Michel nor the Health Minister seemed very interested. My health deteriorates quickly and at times I have not known where to go as nobody wants to help you. My own GP has said to me she cannot help me. I am fortunate that my husband and children are there to watch over me.
I would like to know what can be done to change things. I have tried but failed. The responses I received were so superficial and pathetic. You were spot on with your comments about the inadequacy of Qld Health. It is a system in desperate need of a revamp. If you have some time, I would appreciate a call from you if you consider it appropriate.
Thank you
M P
Dear Fanita
Thank you so very much for your kind words - they are greatly appreciated.
I'm so very sorry to hear of your devastating news about the fire - I struggle sometimes to find the meaning in these types of tragedies ... but I am sure that you will overcome and continue to be the rock that you are to the thousands of survivors of suicide such as myself .....
Let me say that I logged onto your website yesterday and read some of the personal stories - believe me when I say that after reading some of them I think I now have an understanding as to why my brother David did what he did to himself.... reading those stories made me feel less alone and confused about why this has happened to our family.... I realise now that to take one's own life one must be so very very lost in themselves and in some cases struggling from wounds inflicted by the hands of another - which was the case with our David ... he was sexually abused at 6 and then pack-raped by 5 of the mongrels in a toilet at Marist Brothers High School when he was 11... The dye was cast for him from then on and to his credit he lasted 48 years - he was a homosexual, he was drug addicted, he was an alcoholic, he was bi-polar and he had been living with HIV for the last 10 years... I don't know how he managed to last as long as he did....and I will always admire him for his strength in bearing the crosses that he had to bear......
I shall definitely attend the memorial services on 29 May 2008.
Thank you so much Fanita
Blessings to you and yours.....
P
Dear Fanita Clark.
My name is M…... I am 26 years old. I need your Help. I think many times of suicide.
I live 5 years in fear. I can no longer endure. Very terrible things happen to me in this environment that ruined my life. This environment is not a normal life. I have feelings, I can commit suicide. No one wants to help me. I can trust no one. Even my parents feel overwhelmed because of me. I come from Deurschland. I speak only German.
Fanita Clark, please help me.
Dear Ms Clarke/administration,
I was blessed enough today to see your commemoration (sorry I have trouble spelling) today in the city below where I work. I wish to give a truly heartfelt thank you for this organisation.
The ceremony reminded me of my own personal struggles I faced in the past and the issue of suicide especially youth suicide is very close to my heart. I went through the struggles when I was 13-14 to the point I had to go to counselling for a long period. The idea of suicide was a foreign concept especially to my parents so when they found out they flipped because there was nothing obviously wrong in my life to make me feel this way. (The only reason they found out was the school nurse told them- without me knowing).
Building myself was very hard long process, and the thing with people going through such sadness is often hidden from the world, in school I was always bright and cheerful and little did anyone know. I am now 20 years of age with my current joyous attitude to life no-one would have ever thought I had been through such a sad time in my life (which is the way I like to keep it). I believe the best way to support a person going through such thoughts is to let them know that you will always be there and that they are special and never alone. The footprints poem really helped me. I was living day by the day the only thing that got me through my love for my younger siblings and day by day I would live just so they can see me again.
Suicide is such a tragic way to lose someone, raising awareness is very important and I am so happy and grateful to see such a beautiful organisation.
So today I say thank you
kind regards
V..
Hello.... This morning, I just heard about White Wreath Day, on ABC radio.... this is such a wonderful thing to do, and I can only thank you for giving so many people the opportunity of expressing their innermost feelings on a special day, in such a lovely way.
.... Attached is a photo of a little white plastic wreath that I have made this morning... I will tie it to my handbag today... for my Cousin H…., who hanged himself... (he was a successful businessman in his late 50's)
.... I was going to cut the wreath from white card, but as it is a damp morning, decided to use plastic (the bottom of a yoghurt container actually)... as I will be out in the weather a fair bit today.
.... just thought I'd like to share it with you... and thanks again...
Best wishes.. T S
To White Wreath Association
About three and a half years ago I was in R… Mental Health Hospital for 6 weeks. During that period I never saw a Psychiatrist or a Case Worker. I found the Staff as slack. All they did was sit down and talk. I had to beg for medication if I was needing help. They weren’t compassionate or caring. To them it was just a job. I found some patients more caring.
Approximately 40 years ago I was admitted to Ward 16 RBH and the care back then was very good compared to today. There were no Case Workers the but the help from hospital staff whilst a patient was on “The Ball” and they discharged when I was well enough.
Since then I have spent time in P.A and going on that experience up until now things have just got worse. My GP has been more help than the system. I was a well paid hard working Sales Representative up until 1993.
Regards
G
Hello Fanita,
I just wanted to say thank you for letting me be a part of White Wreath Day. I think you are an amazing lady, full of courage, as well as everyone in the association that brings the day together.
S
10 April 2008 Brisbane Qld Beloved… His name it meant beloved His heart filled with love and grace For those who chose not to hurt him You could see the true David in his face…. Cherished son and brother He walked a path of quiet refrain Life dealt him many savage blows As he battled each and every pain… Brave beyond redemption Lesser men than he would have failed To stand and fight those demons That plagued him on lifes trail… Music soothed the savage beast That lurked within his frame The balm of beat and melody Would calm him once again… His hands were always open As he reached out for love anew His heart was truly hopeful For one both warm and true… He has left his mark upon us More than any word can say The man he was beloved And will be till my dying day… R.I.P David
14 April 2008 Melbourne Pauline that was beautiful, very touching. The last few months and as the months go on and on I feel more and more abandoned, all those people who said they would be there and support me are now avoiding me like the plague. They don’t talk to me let alone see me, I have true friends who support me and will be there and are there when I need them the most. Is it really that hard to communicate with someone who has lost someone? Do they shut up for fear of upsetting you when deep down inside you are more upset but the way they don’t talk to you or even see you? Do you just be rude and inconsiderate back to them? The human can be a strange creature at times...why are we abandoned?
2 May 2008 Qld Hi Mathew, it has been nearly 6 yrs since the day I found you hanging, If you can see me I hope you aren't disappointed that I haven't been able to let go. I wish people, especially those suppose to be close to me would understand my pain, their pain. Just because I found you doesn't make it easier for everyone, but the nightmare are with me every night STILL!!!You were my baby brother and I am trying to understand why you did what you did, been through the angry, hurt, confused, upset, etc if you can see you will see how beautiful your three children have grown. Well just a few words as I can't stop thinking of you, your loving sister, Christie
11 May 2008 Wauchope NSW BORN~DANIEL* who suicided August 2007. I would just like to send my best regards to all the Mums who have lost a loved one through suicide. Mums are the ultimate and deserve this day. So I hope that even with the sadness and heartache of your loss that every single MUM made the best of the day.
13 May 2008 Perth WA Shaun Happy Anniversary we would have been married three years today. The time has gone fast, the memories they last, the feelings I have are real. The look in your eyes, when you accepted me as your wife I thought was ever lasting. 5 months later you took yourself away. I’ll never forget this special day, please come take this horrible pain away. Your loving wife Natalie xxxx
21 May 2008 Logan Qld On the 5th of August 2005, I was in grade 11, I had a close friend of mine hang herself. She had many friends and none of us new why, she didn't leave a note or anything. We all blamed ourselves because that Friday she had tried to reach out to us all and none of us realised. I just wish I could see her face again. Soon after she passed I had written a poem about her passing. This is it: Now that your gone, I have to say, "I was once your friend, And I think of you everyday" Everyone says the same We believe it in our heart, It’s too early in life to lose a friend, For us to be apart. But we can’t change the past, And what’s been done, We never told you how much you mean, And now you’re gone. That day we let you go, I remember so clearly, I was trying to be brave, But I saw your mum getting teary. Your friends love you so much, Yet we never told you, We go through everyday, Without knowing what to do. Josh and Steve were crying, Michael actually did his hair, Volca and Eli had their head in hands, I don’t think they could bear. No one leaves anymore, Without saying "I love you" Now we've seen what could happen, That’s all we ever do. Your passing has shown us, How much we really love each other, We can’t let it happen again, For one another. Tam, The days are so long, Everyone sits and wonders, What they did wrong. I know it wasn’t just us, There was more going on, No matter what we think, There was nothing we could have done. Adam made a speech, He loved you so very much, All he thinks about, Is that last lunch. You were crying to Megan On that last day, She didn’t know how to help, Now all she can do is pray. Caitlin and I saw you, A few hours before, All those cords and machines, We cried before we got in the door. We can still talk of you, But, Tam it’s not enough, All we want, Is just one more touch. I hate you not being here, I feel I’m obsessed, But I guess moving on, Is only for the best. It is titled 'To You' RIP Tam, I love you.
27 May 2008 Seattle WA This is a great site very touching.
27 May 2008 Brisbane Qld It is just 7 months since our son died. We found him his father and I in his unit. He was my baby our only son and to this day I do not understand why. Perhaps it would be easier if I could get an answer to that question - perhaps not. My heart broke on the 3 Oct 2007 and I just don't know how to put it back together again. We miss him so much every day. Words just don't express the feelings .. some days are better than others ... I am told it will get bearable .. when ... I just so want him back!!
27 May Brisbane Qld I have been suffering from depression for the last 10 years, have tried to end it 3 times, found always by my husband. I totally understand the views on confidentiality, my husband has sort answers for me and has always hit a brick wall. The laws need to be changed so that the people we love the most, can and will get the help and love they need. Depression is a very lonely state of mind. I have told my entire family of this "illness" and have discovered that 2 of my siblings also suffer the same problems. We should feel embarrassed or stupid about telling people how we feel. I used to be SO ashamed of this illness but realise that it is just that, an illness that can be fixed. I really need to believe that, not only for my own wellbeing but also for my children’s.
27 May Melbourne Vic White wreath day unites all of us in our memories of our loved ones who chose to leave us and go to another state and time. My father Robert hung himself at 69 years of age on the 7th May 2003. We all loved him unconditionally and now accept his choice and believe that he still loves us to infinity xxx->00. He was my mentor, my friend, my leader, my Daddy and I miss him very deeply still each day. I miss our wonderful long talks about changing the world. Our arguments where he was always right. His twinkly dark brown eyes and his unconditional love for me and my two daughters. His grandchildren who he loved so deeply. May he still be teaching - his passion-- his life - was to teach people esp. young people to learn. Yesterday history Tomorrow is a Mystery Today is the present So treat it like a GIFT and live for each moment! anon.
1 June 2008 Qld Our youngest daughter Vanessa took her own life on July the 16th 2007. Four days before she committed suicide she had turned 18. She seemed so happy and excited about turning 18. So what happened? she had many ups and downs the last couple of years. One minute she would be bouncing around all happy and the next minute she just wanted to be left alone. We thought she was just being a normal teenager. It wasn't until 5 months after she passed away that we found out that she had bipolar. There are many questions that we ask ourselves, and we don't find any answers. I don't think her father and I will ever get over finding her the way that we did ( she had hung herself). Our three other daughters and all dealing with her death in different ways. One thing we all want to know is when will the pain stop. We have always told each other that we love each other but that didn't seem to be enough to help Vanessa deal with her demons. We just wish that we had known what she was dealing with in her thoughts. Could we have helped her if we knew what was going on, we will never know, but we will always wonder. Will the pain ever go away of losing someone our youngest daughter/sister, I don't think so. Vanessa you will be forever in our hearts and minds. We love you and miss you. We hope that you have found the peace you were looking for. LOVE ALWAYS MUM XOXO. I MISS YOU BLOSSOM.
2 June 2008 Unknown Thinking of my son, Robert who took his own life four years ago today. I miss u heaps mate. Love always, Mum.
23 June 2006 Texas USA I'm glad I have found people I can share with my grief, of losing a friend who took her own life.
24 June 2008 Ipswich Qld Hi I found my brother hanging in my back shed in October last year, and I feel like I am falling apart. Even though I have a great support network I would like to speak with people who have been touched by a tragedy like this. Please help.
24 June 2008 Adelaide South Australia My younger brother Trevor hanged himself on the 16.11.07 he was only 25. He has a 10 year old daughter, a 7 year old son and a one year old son we all love him and miss him everyday. The hardest thing is he told everyone he would never kill himself as we just lost a very close cousin of ours to a tragic accident on 9.11.06. My cousin had two kids and was only 26. My brother told us he would never want to put his kids through what my cousin did. But my baby brother went and did it anyway I’ll always love you Trevor. I know I didn’t say it enough but I hope you know how much I did love you. Your little big sis kylie
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